thursday and the chill that came along

ok so i dont get excited about autumn nor winter.

but if it's coming andone must find excitment in something that is ahead rather nearer then farer well i will get excited by national novel writing month- it comes again- i think this will be my 6th year writing a novel in november?

anyways what a great exercise for brain - take that brain take that.

much better excercise then one line quips on facebook - thats right facebook i am fallen from love with yourself and wont be spending much time with you because it kills my brain kills it.

so we shall set you aside well we regenerate thoughts and amorphous ideas that can become my own internal realities because this is me-

i live in life and head and all over the bloody place i may be living like a barnicle on your back- quietly not that you would notice as i dont really want to be noticed - i just want to fascinate and view.

yes.

the universe is against my coffee making i see-

we got gifted an espresso machine it came here a week ag0-

it is now making crema free cold coffee- which is not what one thinks of when one thinks of espresso-

i like a thick crema- i like it hot and ready to possibly envelope honey if i need it sweet.

this is like dirty dishwater-

this is ice cold and not at all satisfactory-

so is the universe telling me to stop drinking the muck?

possibly.

i cant go out and invest in a new machine-

times are fiscally tight and layoffs coming to tims work.

mid oct- the 14th to be precise-

we are both looking for work.

i am hoping no matter what to pick up some more classes-

had some class barter potential but it went flakey.

so resume is updated and tim is formatting for me-

i havent done a resume in over a decade- i have updated my cv - but cv s are different from resumes- and i dont know the difference at this point aside from cv is what i have come to know as an adult maker of bullocks on paper.

words printed on a sheet of A4 -

one could say anything couldnt they?

i wonder what on average of most people's resumes is a stretch in truth?

mine isnt stretched anymore-

maybe it should be - theres the past four years of mother hood which i could transfer into say a lion tamer? seems fairly similar in my mind anyhow?

so talula still has a cough - we are going on two weeks?

or is it three? doctor next week-

although i may email them today-

it isnt that worriesome aside from the fact it has been here for that length of time- it is not constant - maybe there are twenty coughs a day and that is an over estimate rather then an under.

raspy though - rather raspy.

happy october first - not so happy mortgage payment day - although it makes me happier to pay mortgage then to pay selfish greedy landlord fund-

bite me landlords and landladies bite me hard and be ready for me to sue your ass when you do especially if you break the skin.

so go ahead and bite me.

and i will sue you pants off.

and my website? well its full of loops and dead ends and there willl be more to come- it is meant to be an exploration in stream of conciousness in webwork-

of course you show someone like my father it and well he cant understand why i wouldnt want to standardize the pages for ease of updating and making it more streamlined blah blah well thats if he even gets off the first page-

not one for website as art project or something to spend time exploring but more the person who wants to effieciently understand the point of it-

the point is there is no point.

as in life - we make out own points and place our emphasis where we find it to be - or hopefully we live this way - hopefully we arent taking other peoples words for things-

as too many probably do-

i have never really believed words and claims that have been told me but have needed to live these prooofs for them to be indeed truths in my own life-

and the bets lessons i have learned have neevr been in schools-

schools are great for repeating what people want to beleive the popular "truths" which are not really truths but views that perhaps are too good to be true-

school taught me nothing - the world has taught me evrything

so i often wonder what all those friends of mine have learned - the ones who have been studying since highschool the ones who surround themselevs inn continuous university?

what do they believe - and do they need their truths to be real or are they happy with someone telling them stuff?

and to say this isnt to say i beolieve everyone can learn from life i dont-

i learn best this way- and just because it isnt true for you doesnt mean it isnt true for me too.

i say these things not aloud- not aloud beause everyone wants a debate dont they- especially people 30 and above- are all too ready to prove there reasoning is correct to not allow for others to believe something completely different - i can judge you but how dare you try and even doubt me- this is what i find -

like right winged bastards who want to impose and infringe-

say for instance the militant yogis-

you need yoga - you must do yoga - it will heal the world-

not if one doesnt belive and who is to say that your yoga is my yoga?

who is to say that attaching a word such as yogi to ones name changes anything-

the world befuddles me-

i thought we grew as adults not that we grew into some predesitined shape that never alolowed us to see things that didnt aling with already caste judgements- but the more i look thje more i see this- and why am i wrtiting all this i wanted to espress my love for central and eastern washington this morning ?

what the hell!

xxx