my network is finicky

good morning good morning.

i have been taken into wajefullness by my daughter who not realising made her way into our room last night for the first time in at least two weeks now.

the reward system is a daily thing to pay for privacy and space in our own bed-

but talula does alot of things in her sleep at least the sleep terrors havent happened in at least a year possibly two although i am sure there was an epsode whilst living on evanston in the farm house of stank and i only call it this because it did have some stink issues- when we first moved in a mustinesss that wouldnt go away and i was not allowed to burn anything such as incense to at least attempt masking- then there was the rest of our time and the rats.....

yes the rats so we told our landladies one night- well tim told them (- i wouldnt have fearing the result that did occur) that we had enjoyed watching rats play on the wires around the local houses- using them as a rat rapid transit- what a great fucking idea- the wires serving both to transport rats as well as electric!

so anyways after tim told them this their paranoia and overinflated sense of self importance kicked in thinking the rats were definatly gonna come to them and start demanding stuff - money trinkets maybe their child.

so they started putting poison all around their home outside, basement.

mind we had never seen a rat or evidence of one in the home.

so they begin to kill rats and what do creatures do when they are near death?

well they look for someplace warm - someplace isolated - say like the inside of a wall.

then they die.

then they rot and create a scent you really dont want to live with at all.

so we had that scent- we would locate the source and it was an old house so there would just be a hole in awall releasing scent- and we would cover it up with bin bag and lots of tape-

and then another scent a little different - a new stage of decay would release and we would source that and again repeat previous actions.

so there were at least five holes of varying degreesof death stink coming forth from them-

this lastest from winter til we moved out in october-

and i still was not allowed to burn incense - because one of them didnt like the smell of it.

i will tell you at 1600 a month i didnt like the smell of anything at that house-

how did i deviate to this ?

that house was kinda evil -

talula had all sorts of frighful things that would come about at night time-

the " flying man"

then the terrors - and if you have never experienced a night terrror- well if you ever do it may be one of the few times you believe in posession.

or not.

aside from this-

last night was the loveliest fri class - the gentle first class- the energy of loveliness was almost tactile - seriously - it felt like an honest exchange of niceness- i not sure how it was generated or where it was brought forth from but damn - there seemed a definitive glow during and post class...

thank you loveliess for that... thank you universe.

i asked the universe for something for the first time in ages- since my iridologist in uk told me it was acceptable and a good thing to do-

i feel guilty alot of the time asking for things especially help-

have always felt that way about asking for help -

anyways kinda makes me feel greedy and unappreciative ?

so i asked the universe to allow tim to keep his job when october 14th happens-

and i will be more positive about the bleessings and gratitude for what is here - i don't want more but to not have this little world fall apart.

honestly owning a house has been awesome for me inside my heart and mind- it feels like a sigh not having a land lady coming down to spy and judge ( dont live under them in the first place right?) or coming round every month to collect rent in cash-

we had a turkish landlord in stoke newington (when i live with paul) who did this wouldnt take anything but cash and didnt understand that i (having been jumped for 20 quid whilst with my boyfriend at the cash point on the high street)

didnt like to take out 800 quid in cash and walk around with it-

then there was the landlord who didnt want to do anything about the waste water leak over the head of out bed - because it wasnt there when he came round at noon-

because it happened during the morning routines when the shoer was running upstairs etc...

i dont know my first flat was the best and since it has been a menagerie of issues.

and usually the landlords come in and stick a piece of tape on an issue.

and hope for the best.

i like knowing its mine- like my job i have no boss- well not really as i am not really anyones employee-

i am just independant contractor.

here i am ...