the tuesday after the monday two days before the thursday

good morning.

i am waiting for the window man- he is coming to size up the moldy sliding doors in our home - they came that way - we didnt initiate the mold .

so the grey is returning.

it kinda feels ok today as i do have to wait in home for window man and then back flow man-

who is expected at ten - 11 where as window man's window of time is 8-10.

men.

i have a pile here of petrified wood bits collected in eastern wa-

which i have fallen in love with, by the way.

the love hit when the car dipped into ellensburg- coming down a hill and entering the town the scenery made a 180 turn in another direction - mainly aerrid undulating desert hills.

it was a dramatic change and i love dramatic changes.

thrive off them in fact.

our first day there was for the petrified ginkgo forest, hit a great gem and rock shop and then followed the columbia for a bit- passing army reservation land- keep out.

it was beautiful- as the wind farms were as well that we passed in between ellensburg and vantage. maybe we have just explored so much western wa and until you see it and feel it it's hard to believe eastern wa can be so different.

a ten degree increase in temp and some crazy ass winds hair blowing galore.

i think i could fall in love with alot of nature scenery now- now sure if i have realised i can live almost anywhere and well the people are all the same really- there will always be gems and rottens in the human realm...

so that doesnt draw me anywhere - but the desire to experience different nature environments is strong so the possibility of us leaving doesnt scare me-

i wont end up in thew most miserable of holes which in my minds eye at this point in time would be somewhere i had been- buffalo, san francisco places where times asscociated with places could never be wiped away those places will always be too connected to periods of life to experience a new- not that i dont think they are lovely i just wouldnt want to do it again. delayed instant replay and gosh i dont want to be or even fathom the character i was then.

or that space i was in.

to do today-

i have a resume to sort for a job possibility!

teaching in a hot yoga setting...

yeah!

me likey.

me hopey.

me wanty.

some wall painting??

spot paint touch up-

to paint more green into walls of lounge?

and bedroom? i want to paint my bedroom some where between blue indigo and violet - as the house kinda flows upwards with the fl;ow of the chakras- or the rianbow (depending on how you want to seee things)

with the idea that the head oriented chakras and covered in the upstairs-

backflow man is here -

window man came earlier - these thoughts have been terminated in the midst of the fix it mens comings.

grey tuesday.

happy to clean day.

almost 11 day.

my network is finicky

good morning good morning.

i have been taken into wajefullness by my daughter who not realising made her way into our room last night for the first time in at least two weeks now.

the reward system is a daily thing to pay for privacy and space in our own bed-

but talula does alot of things in her sleep at least the sleep terrors havent happened in at least a year possibly two although i am sure there was an epsode whilst living on evanston in the farm house of stank and i only call it this because it did have some stink issues- when we first moved in a mustinesss that wouldnt go away and i was not allowed to burn anything such as incense to at least attempt masking- then there was the rest of our time and the rats.....

yes the rats so we told our landladies one night- well tim told them (- i wouldnt have fearing the result that did occur) that we had enjoyed watching rats play on the wires around the local houses- using them as a rat rapid transit- what a great fucking idea- the wires serving both to transport rats as well as electric!

so anyways after tim told them this their paranoia and overinflated sense of self importance kicked in thinking the rats were definatly gonna come to them and start demanding stuff - money trinkets maybe their child.

so they started putting poison all around their home outside, basement.

mind we had never seen a rat or evidence of one in the home.

so they begin to kill rats and what do creatures do when they are near death?

well they look for someplace warm - someplace isolated - say like the inside of a wall.

then they die.

then they rot and create a scent you really dont want to live with at all.

so we had that scent- we would locate the source and it was an old house so there would just be a hole in awall releasing scent- and we would cover it up with bin bag and lots of tape-

and then another scent a little different - a new stage of decay would release and we would source that and again repeat previous actions.

so there were at least five holes of varying degreesof death stink coming forth from them-

this lastest from winter til we moved out in october-

and i still was not allowed to burn incense - because one of them didnt like the smell of it.

i will tell you at 1600 a month i didnt like the smell of anything at that house-

how did i deviate to this ?

that house was kinda evil -

talula had all sorts of frighful things that would come about at night time-

the " flying man"

then the terrors - and if you have never experienced a night terrror- well if you ever do it may be one of the few times you believe in posession.

or not.

aside from this-

last night was the loveliest fri class - the gentle first class- the energy of loveliness was almost tactile - seriously - it felt like an honest exchange of niceness- i not sure how it was generated or where it was brought forth from but damn - there seemed a definitive glow during and post class...

thank you loveliess for that... thank you universe.

i asked the universe for something for the first time in ages- since my iridologist in uk told me it was acceptable and a good thing to do-

i feel guilty alot of the time asking for things especially help-

have always felt that way about asking for help -

anyways kinda makes me feel greedy and unappreciative ?

so i asked the universe to allow tim to keep his job when october 14th happens-

and i will be more positive about the bleessings and gratitude for what is here - i don't want more but to not have this little world fall apart.

honestly owning a house has been awesome for me inside my heart and mind- it feels like a sigh not having a land lady coming down to spy and judge ( dont live under them in the first place right?) or coming round every month to collect rent in cash-

we had a turkish landlord in stoke newington (when i live with paul) who did this wouldnt take anything but cash and didnt understand that i (having been jumped for 20 quid whilst with my boyfriend at the cash point on the high street)

didnt like to take out 800 quid in cash and walk around with it-

then there was the landlord who didnt want to do anything about the waste water leak over the head of out bed - because it wasnt there when he came round at noon-

because it happened during the morning routines when the shoer was running upstairs etc...

i dont know my first flat was the best and since it has been a menagerie of issues.

and usually the landlords come in and stick a piece of tape on an issue.

and hope for the best.

i like knowing its mine- like my job i have no boss- well not really as i am not really anyones employee-

i am just independant contractor.

here i am ...

the morning after the day before

so i have been doing my morning pages- past two days right first day it worked out great - in terms of mental sanity and clarity. second day was fine until someone (namely husband ) misinterpreted a question for me harassing him at work and well after that it went pear shaped. i mean seriously does this happen to other people? here it is - you call someone up you say something and they misinterpret it- they expect (expectations are a fucking killer) that you are appraoching them in a way you are not and when their expectations dont match what you are actually trying to acheive and your attempt at communication is foiled beca`use instaead of hearing you they are expecting from you and well - then you react to their expectations by meeting them even though that isnt how this attempt began it wasnt desired - but the reaction to the expectation foils the day? foils the mind. its just so fucking hard sometimes right especially when this one person is meant to be the one person that knows you - and instead of feeling of knowing or even listening their expecting creates a barrier and it goes to hell. does this make any sense? because this is todays morning pages substitute and well this one is online and caffeinated and are their lots of people out there who drink drip coffee who feel close to the edge? drip coffee is kind of evil . personal opinion. dont like it not at all. so this week my mum is having her bum explored and some polyps removed- and a camera to go further then the first to check anal canal continuity- i kinda wish i could have a up my bum for no purpose other then to see- who wouldnt want to explore their innards with a camera? i am certainly game- i mean i have seen them burn pieces of cervix off me- on telly- the smell was worse then the sight for sure. so much more to see up my ass though bigger vistas longer tubes. nice piece. so this weekend we are heading east- to ellensberg to stay saturday night and exploring the ginkgo petreified forest saturday and cle elum and rosalyn on sunday. wishing it would have been a two nighter but tim is out of days off and work is precarious - lay offs inevitable as with everywhere i guess. i am hungry for some more work---- looking and looking - getting back on the web wagon for fun and something to keep and maintain at least a fiber of sanity during the bad months. i dont want to live someplace that has bad months- i am aiming towards at least spending winters not here. arizona. wouldnt want to be there all the time but hell those red rocks and the mystery of the desert is something i fall more and more in love with daily. again not as a full time residence but part time...

mondays are for pigs

hello one day and six years of marriage. hello.

i hear the sound of talula going through her closet to find an outfit without panties as those are never part of the outfit- to put on probably backwards.

her whole outfit was backwards yesterday.

she is bothered by small specs of dirt but not so much creating fashion that makes sense- especially since she decided thursday that she doesnt like pockets?

i am sure that is as set in stone as her inability to get cold;

"i am never cold"

"i am never tired"

she has a lot of solidly defined things that leave their definition quite quickly...

thinking of ikea today-

the curtain rail in the downstiars likes to fall apart usually dropping its heavey ball on my head if not the ball (and by ball i do not mean testicle but ornamental embelllishment) then the bar comes down on me.

its happened about four times ...

next time i will win.

whatever that means.

yesterday we went to stubbs hill past sultan between goldbar and index-

it was meant to be a great place for quartz sceptres alas it was rather overgrown and unless you had water to rinse things finding rocks was all about rocks covered in a thick layer of dirt..

to go back again? perhaps early spring if that area stays clear of snow (crazy drive up a crazy unpaved road for like 7 miles) and when the plants are not covering the whole of the rocky area ..

talula only has love in her heart for one stuffed animal at a time.

she is telling me hwo she remembers when she loved lamby and her pink teddy -

i was trying to explain if you love something or someone you dont have to stop when someone something new comes along as there is much space for love and the more you do it the more you have ...

blah blah blah

her eyes dont stay focused she thinks i am talking wack.

maybe because i usually am.

i dont know.

the fridge is unuaslly empty and for some reason i am not finding food inspriing at the moment.

ok i must move as her feet are cold and they are now on my thigh...