friday wasnt my day....

good morning creatures.

i woke with tiggy next to me and talula in bed with me abnd it is so sweet and if this moment could last longer say through tthe entire day if i could bask in puppy talula sweet silent peace and love...

it makes me well up in tears ..

a week since lucy died- i still cant speak or writer of it without falling apart.

my dad is becomming a vegetarian - 

it seems some wonton force inside him making him do it

he said to my mom he is sick of killing animals....

she is pissed!

"well if i had some clue he was gonna do this..."

sometimes it jus happens - sometimes things just stop being ok -

sometimes we can tell ourselves they are but we know and eventually some force makes us change without necessarily wanting it in any way- 

for me its the booze i mean seriously just the thought of it now makes me feel like i am smelling vomit.

and people who are meant to be friends but who arent and you try to hold on you try to relate but relating is an effort well things change...

i am never sure who has changed or both have changed and changed in the way a road forks-

i have realised i have always been a bit of a loner but i guess i have also realised that i am ok with this.

its funny to watch other people who think themselves very independant and watching them flubber about socially..and meanwhile i have a family and well my family fufills so much not everything but suddenly i feel fufilled with  being me in family and without but mostly feel fine being me...not to say i am happy necessarily with who i am and there isnt work to be done but gosh darn i am glad with what i have and who i am.

thats a nice place to be.

e
five days and counting til the arrival of the gee family.
talula had another night of keeping us awake and not listening and frankly i am damn near fed up with the non listening "i wanter"
i am adding seom pics of miscellany that i wanted to get up here more to encourage myself to keep better track and attach images to the thoughts and so on.
it has been a emotionally brutal couple of weeks and the words havent come because when the words do come they are so sad that the tears come as well.
last week was lucy's (my sister) 9 year anniversary of being adopted on that same fucking day she was diagnosed with lymphoma. last week revolved around this- the treatment and at the end fo the week the treatment didnt come soon enough and we all had to say good bye.
teaching on saturday was rough - in terms of i had just found out afterteaching on fri night and well after some self torture watching marley and me (omg why did i do that?)
the next days puffy eyes were to be expected-
ugh.
ok i am gonna get ready to hit some morning yoga my furhter applicattion of words and images will continue later ...for now i hope yoga will give me what it is i need to get through today - of which i am not sure what it is i need although my heart has now entered my throat again and well will discuss this later as well as how life can be perpetual torture for someone with thing skin of whihc i have alot of...
xxx