talula is still asleep in our bed. the fog is magic outside in the front yard- one of the few things i will miss about living here is the vantage point from the sun room windows over the garden-
alas our lives will be flipped and we will mostly be looking west towards the Olympics rather then east. i wonder if this will do anything to our brains ? this change of perspective- i want to find out where we are looking on the mountains- and when i find out where that point is i want to go there and look back.
does that make sense?
desperation to get back to the mountain -
it changes people.
maybe only people who are looking to be changed - wanting to be impacted by something bigger then themselves and admit that they are small in really rather inconsequential to things as big as mountains, skies....
really i could argue both directions- both perspectives are easily accessible in my head- i could argue we matter to the mountain as much as we do to our loved ones close at hand-
but for today it matters that we matter less ...
so since being there doing things for the process and the sake of doing them as that is all there is- i mean my art doesn't matter- it just doesn't and the self importance we put into such things stops me - others - from doing them?
so arting has becomes much more what it should be the joy of the process and less making things to fit into other people's desires - or the hope of others understanding- as if we are honest with ourselves and honest in our process we will find people who we can relate and share with on a real level.....
i don't know..
my thoughts were flowing and now being blocked ever so slightly by talula's morning wakeness and demands-
she is up i made it 20 minutes on me own i guess that is a start-
hoping in new house i can break away from bed in morning and do stuff while she still sleeps...
yoga - national novel writing month ...
that's right people year four -
this year i am gonna donate some money to the cause as well if for nothing else it is the one month of the year i am guaranteed to write- and to write some more...
and the process is a great one- and it is definitively about the process as i am yet to do anything with what i have written aside from write it!
ok so today pack, more change of address, pack, prepare thoughts for topic to begin writing on Saturday...
think about dads birthday at end of Nov- as well as thanksgiving which this year falls the same day...go away stay here...
share it with whom?
as the plans have gone a bit tits up...
my only goal and what i want to work for - holiday wise is relaxing enjoyable- something that always seemed to get lost when i was a kid - and maybe thats why holidays kinda stress me out ALOT now- grandma e always got stressed and would declare something to the effect that "christmas was over" or something equally disappointing to hear as a kid...
or there would be a health freakiness thanksgiving at veterans hospital with great grandpa H - which i swear happened more then once...
i dont know i like to chill out these days and in my head it feels like the chaos of my twenties makes me want to run at half that pelt.
and unlearn some habits learned in that phase or earlier phases-
so unlearning the stress attachment to holidays-
relearning relaxing and enjoying ...
as i cant attach really one set of holidays where someone didnt flip there head about something-
making it not so much a holiday and more a sham.
i assumed we would have a small group at our new house- but those assumptions were incorrect for the original attendees i had figured into the holidays and now well i dont think i belong to that group-
i think that group is out of my league at this point- i am too uncool.
that is fine.
well it hasnt been but it has to be so it is.
hell is other people.
i say this so often in my head.
so on a brighter note...
talula has become fast friends with a girl named charlie- they have both similar outgoing personalities and got really into holding hands and hugging last week.
charlie and talula are both blonde and nearly the same size-
and they are awesome together.
charlie's dad is from buffalo... he left when he was eight but has been back since- and has a shared disgust for the place.
these things bring people together.
so we hung out with them last week and then went all over the house trick or treating on saturday and to some local carnivals and harvest feastivals.
really nice to find someone who has a kid and we get along swimmingly with-
really hard to do!!!
we have lots of wonderful peeps without kids- and well thats hard on poots sometimes.
talula has only been up for twenty minutes and she has already turned into a dragon.
wow.
sooo. we signed all the papers yesterday for the house.
tomorrow is our closing - and we get the keys!!!!
and i will tell you although we have had a thirty day closing (fast) it is amazing how much time has slowed down- so much -
so in terms of extending time buying a house is another good one-
and after talking to a couple yesterday well it seems the more kids you have the faster times goes...
so theres a danger to avoid--
watch out parents of multiples your time is going faster then mine.
xxx.
